It's not been a good couple of days. I had to break down and go to the doctor on Thursday, as I woke up at 3 a.m. with the most incredible pain in the side of my head. I can only liken it to someone sticking a darn ice pick in my ear canal. Not fun..not one bit. So I went to the doctor Thursday morning and comfirmed that yes, I have an ear infection and yes, I need drugs. She wrote out like four prescriptions....yikes. Thankfully, they were all generic so total for the doctor thing was 62.00. I was relieved to say the least.

I was given instructions by the doctor to go home--two of the meds make you drowsy and it was NOT a good idea to take them at work and try to function as well as get behind the wheel of a car stoned outta my mind. Too bad--I work for a dick. I had two calls on my cell phone while gone (once in the doctors office and the other at Walgreens waiting for my 'scripts). Needless to say, I had to not take the medicine so that I could go back to work and deal with the shithead. I took it all last night...I don't think it's really had time to work yet. The boss wasn't in today, so I cut out at about 1:00. I'm glad, I came home and slept--and I do feel a little better now....of course, that could be the pain med's talking...ehehehe %o) (<--this is my stoned emoticon for ya)

Anyway....worse news. I guess I don't have the job. I went on the second interview (as read in last post) and I took them my references (as they reqeuested). They haven't called any of them as of today. Part of me really wants to think that there is a hold up of some sort and they haven't made their minds up. The realistic part of me says....dude, you haven't gotten the job. I'll admit, it depresses me. I want out of the job so badly that every time I interview and don't get the job, I feel like I'm a little less able to cope with the current job. I tried hard (and I do mean HARD) not to get my hopes up about this one...but I guess it's just not meant to be. If I could take a pay cut and take something I'm over qualified for, I would in a heartbeat. But I, like countless other people, am working basically paycheck to paycheck. I can't take a pay cut, so instead I'm forced to work with someone who won't give me a raise (oh, he wants to (so he says) but he just doesn't have the money (meanwhile other people do get them who threated to walk out on him, which is not my style), someone who belittles people in front of an audience (makes him feel like a big man I guess), constantly makes me double check my work--just because he can, has made inappropriate remarks and actions against employees (such as inviting sixteen year old girls to his home, or telling a co-worked if they wanted to fight, let's take it to the parking lot--co-worker said nothing to provoke, nor in response to this) and just is generally a really big prick.

The worst part about him is that ...lets call him John (for anonymity's sake), the worst part about John is that John the person is great. Would give you the shirt of his back, would lend you money if you needed it, would come bail you out of jail if you got arrested and genuinely cares about people. John the boss however is demanding, argumentative, pushy, unrelenting--and just generally doesn't want to hear it..it's yes, or yes...nothing else.

I don't like the way this job has changed me. I honestly think I have anger issues now--since coming to this job. I've been on antidepressents--since coming to this job (in addition to 5 other people who work with me--also on psychoactive drugs after coming to this job). I believe I've even said in another post that the stress level with this job has manifested itself in to a pain in my shoulder that won't go away..it flairs up generally at work or when I am overly excited or heated about something..which generally happens at work.

As melodramatic as it sounds...I really feel like it's draining the life right out of me. An I don't know what to do about it. I've been trying off and on for two years now to find a new job and I never get called back. Maybe I interview really bad...I don't know, I don't think I do. But...what do I know.